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My sister, Pam, is a celebrant. A celebrant is someone who listens to a loved one's stories of someone who's died, then writes and delivers a eulogy for the deceased. They usually bring in funny stories, as well as serious ones...kind of like a wake, but in a more formal setting.

She's a celebrant because my oldest sister, at 49 years of age, died of cancer. She wanted her funeral, her way. But the minister wouldn't hear of it, and wouldn't let certain things be done...like my oldest sister's favorite songs. The sermon he gave was about him...and his agenda. Pam wouldn't hear of it, and went on to become a certified celebrant in the Los Angeles area.

Since she's a celebrant, she usually calls me with her latest funeral, because I do her website. I add pages for the deceased, making sure they live on by using the internet.

However, since she's become a celebrant, I've had to face death more than once, not only through her job, but in our extended families. It's had a profound impact on everyone's lives.

When my oldest sister died, it made all of my sisters and me go to the doctor to see if we had cancer as well. She touched so many lives, and even to this day, someone contacts one of us about our oldest sister. Her last video to all of us...find your mission in life and get it done. It was a blessing to hear her words, and they ring true to me today.

Our father died in February, 2007, and as awful as it was (he had an extended illness), we all learned that out of everything that happens that bad, something good happens, even if very small. When we went home to Pennsylvania for my father's death, I'd been battling a pulled muscle in my leg for three years. The doctor sent me to therapy, but it did nothing. So I'd been limping along for all that time, thinking I'd just not let it heal right.

My brother, who now lives in the south and is older than I am, was also at the funeral. We really hadn't spoken for years, but at my father's funeral, we finally connected. We started to talk. My brother told me he had to have both hips replaced, and he was only 50 at the time. He wasn't limping as badly as I was, but remember, mine was just a pulled muscle that never healed. We started comparing notes. I had the same symptoms he had, but I couldn't even put on my own sock. I was further along, but had no idea that my hip was even the problem. My sore muscle was my groin muscle, and sometimes my knee would hurt.

We came back from the funeral to 18 inches of snow on the ground. The next day, I called the doctor because I'd had a cough and a cold for over three weeks and I was tired of it. When I went, I asked him to look at my leg. It was a different doctor than the first time for my leg, three years earlier. This man took x-rays and lo, and behold, my hip joint was causing ALL my problems. I had major osteoarthritis and had to see a specialist.

I went to a local orthopedist, and the first thing he said to me was 'surgery for a hip replacement'. I couldn't believe it. If my father hadn't died, I'd never have re-connected with my brother and never would've known I needed a hip replacement. I got the replacement about six months later and realize that it was the best decision for my health I'd ever made. As it turns out, not only did I have osteoarthritis, but my hip joint was deformed and out of alignment, with a very shallow socket. Dad's death, as awful as it was, brought something good to me and my family. I can walk again! I also have a relationship over email with my brother.

So, realize, that when someone dies, a window, a door or a crack might be opened to reconnect with someone else through your grief. Grieve with them. Don't let old issues keep you silent. For all you know, it may save your life, or give your life new meaning.

How do I cope with the deaths of people in my family? This may sound silly, but I put them 'on vacation'. It gives me time to lessen the blow of their death, because they're just having the times of their lives on vacation. Pam and the rest of my family think I'm crazy, but it works for me. Right now, my oldest sister and my dad are taking care of problems for me all over the world, much like Kes does in my Extreme Travel books (see Extreme Travel blurbs). Dad's not happy to travel everywhere that they don't have cable TV, but my oldest sister is enjoying the trips immensely.

So, you see, I'm grieving their deaths in my own way. As a mom, you'll do the same when someone you love passes away, to keep your emotions in check in front of your children. Everyone grieves differently, so remember that when your children don't want to deal with it and put the loved ones 'on vacation'.

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